My day...
By CYAN
After a long day of errand running and appearing on This Week in Startups, I headed to the office to get two hours of pressing work done. I'm going to Sundance next week and I wanted to get as much done as possible so I could take this weekend off. I got into the office, took off my jacket and appreciated the silence. Just as I placed my fingers on the home row on my keyboard and thought to myself how much I loved our new Zivity office, a huge thud sound came from the suite next door.
BAM.
Ok, no biggy, someone's redecorating or something over there. It reminded me that I had some framed art I needed to hang in the new place. Good reminder.
BAM. Then I hear a woman yell, "BASTARD!"Huh. Clicky. Clicky.
BAM. BAM. BAM. "OH NO HE WON'T!"I sit up straight in my chair. Was that really coming from next door. I'm second guessing myself now. Maybe it is upstairs.
BAM "I'M GOING TO SMASH THAT ATTITUDE RIGHT OUT OF HIM!!"
Our office is next to a therapist. We've heard some mumbling over there and every now and then we can make a few words or sentences out, but nothing has ever come in this clear.
BAM - groaning noises. grunts. more groaning... roaring like a lion.
BAM. BAM. BAM.
"MOTHER FUCKER! THIS IS BULLSHIT!"
BAM.
Then I hear two other voices, a man and woman and they are encouraging the woman to hit whatever it is she is hitting and to get out these expressions of anger. I hear their voices say...
"GOOOOOD! THAT'S IT! GET IT OUT. GOOOOOOD. AGAIN"
BAM. BAM.
At this point I'm laughing. I have a good sense of humor. I pull out my iphone and do what every good person does when they hear or see something funny, I share it with the world on Twitter. I can't laugh alone. However, the work I needed to get done, just isn't getting done. My productivity at this point? Completely killed. All I can think about is the bastard she was yelling about and I was thinking about this woman and her life. I was thinking about this strange way of working through her issues and I imagined I was sitting in some sort of Two and Half Men type of comedy show. This wasn't my real life. There were cameras somewhere. Right?
BAM.
I hear a knock on my door. My neighbor wants to know if I'm the one making noise. Nope. Not me. We may have naked ladies, but we're professionals. We're quiet. We're respectful.
BAM. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU!" groan. groan. groan. grunt. RAWR. Lion sounds.. etc.
The downstairs neighbor goes to knock on the door and sees a sign on the handle that says, "DO NOT DISTURB, IN SESSION" or something close to that. It was a clear keep the fuck out of here kind of sign. He makes gestures like he's going to knock and says, "screw it, I'm calling the landlord."
He's calling the landlord, so I don't have to. I hear another knock.
BAM!! (they are getting more intense) "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I explain again it isn't me to another neighbor and he knocks on the door...
Knock. Knock. Knock.
BAM. "What?" says one of the coaching voices.
BAM. groan......
Neighbor "Uhm, could you keep it down in there. Nobody out here is able to get work done. At a minimum, could you stop the banging? It is disrupting the whole floor."
Female coaching voice, "NO. We can not. We will not. We are in a session. Go away."
We look at each other. Puzzled. Did she really just say that? Seriously? This is a floor of offices about 600 square feet each with paper thin walls. There's about 10 of them on our floor.
Female coaching voice, "Give us 10 more minutes and we'll come out and talk to you."
BAM. Encouraging voice, "Keep going. Its ok. Don't stop"BAM. BAM. BAM. ughhhhhh (now it sounds like groaning grunting sex noises) This woman is going full animal now. She's a fucking bear. I try to picture her in my mind.
The neighbor goes to call the police. At this point, I also email the landlord. Things are getting tense in the office.
10 solid minutes go on with the banging, the cursing and the getting pounded noises. The woman ends her session with a good laugh and says, "wow, that felt good." I hide. I don't want them to see me. I don't want to see her. I imagine them carting her out of the office with a burlap sack on her head so we never know who she is. I'm afraid I might know her. I just hide. My door is glass and they can see through if I'm not in the perfect hiding position.
It is suddenly quiet. At this point it is 5pm and I need to head home.
I peek around the corner and their office is dark. The neighbor comes back dismayed that they never came to explain the beating noises. We apologize for meeting each other this way. He's annoyed. I'm amused, but also annoyed I didn't get any work done. I'm thankful I have a sense of humor. This guy had more serious work to get done than I did. He threatened to move out.
Man. What was going on there? What kind of office have we moved into?
How strange.















































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